I'm trying

It's been a while since i've written an entry. I know i was going to document stuff here, but sometimes things get in the way. Like the worries about covid-19 and it making less of a chance for me to get a job. So now i just spend most of my time at home. Drawing, or hiking, trying to get some fat off. You know how that goes. Since highschool and being bullied for my looks, i never had a good relationship with food or how my body looks in general, but that is a whole different story.

I wish i could go back to the time my grandmother was still alive. I've been thinking of putting a little shrine thing up for my grandparents to remember them in my animal crossing game using the pattern maker. Might do that next.

Thank god for animal crossing.
If this game wasn't there, i wouldn't know where i would've been.
Mentally and physically.

This game makes it possible to see my friends who live abroad, or aren't possble to be visited due to the virus. It's an amazing game and it's helped me to stay sane for a long ass time. I've gotten letters from my villagers telling me how great i am, and it's lifting my spirits even more. It's so amazing to hear things like that, even if it's coming from a pre programmed pixel cluster, it means a lot to me.

I wish i could properly describe the feeling of finally being able to belong somewhere, where nobody has a prejudice or negative feelings towards you. It's like a warm blanket in a cold stormy night. I always wished i belonged somewhere. I never belonged. People left me, ignored me, walked all over me. But not in this game. Everyone misses you when you're gone for a while. People write you letters. And that's just the beginning. I'm able to see all of my internet friends who i otherwise never could've met up with. We can work together, trade items and help each other out. It's the greatest thing. Animal Crossing is my favourite videogame franchise to ever exist.

Things like this are little specs of light in an otherwise dark looking tunnel with what appears no exit. And that, i kid you not, is what keeps me living day by day. If only i could tell this story to the game devs at Nintendo. I wish i could tell me how much their videogames have helped me and how much I appreciate their work. But, sadly, my Japanese isn't at that point yet.  

Ah well.. at least i have a a goal at long last