Merry Christmas everyone

Despite not being in the mood to celebrate, i guess i'll say Merry Christmas and a Happy new year anyways to everyone. Losing my grandpa and all. It's been almost a week since the funeral, and i still don't really feel like he ever passed away at all. Weird huh? It's probably the fact that i just really don't want to believe that it's true despite the fact that i attended the funeral and cried like 5 times or something.

On a happy note, i went to Oberhausen with my little brothers. It was a lot of fun despite it being one giant sensitory hell for me. The giant mall is packed with people. Sometimes when you're in a store you're better off than outside of it. Wew, i went through some hell let me tell you that. I got a manga and a pair of new shoes that i'm wearing to both of the family dinners we're having today and tomorrow. I hope they'll like them. I'm kind of not looking forward to having to spend time with my uncles though. They're so noisy and annoying sometimes.

And then there's this aunt of my dad who is hated by most of the family who attended the family lunch after the funeral of my grandpa. She's homophobic to my gay uncle and also made various comments about my weight and how i'm still single and not married. She quite liturally just grabbed my finger, looked at it and said that i should do some sports. Bitch excuse you i hike a lot?

Despite everyone saying she's an actual hag, it was another thing that plumetted me into depression again. Especially with my self image. Even though people keep saying i'm pretty, for some reason i keep only believing the bad thoughts and bad comments. Is it weird? I am fat though. I really do need to lose weight. And i am gonna. My mother won't be calling into the doctors office this time. I will do it secretly. Fuck it.

Merry Christmas

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