December is the worst
I'm trying to stay positive, but one after the other event is happening to me right now that just really gets me down. Now the doctor is saying my grandpa probably won't make it to New Years. And i hate everything that's happening right now. I could use a life partner right now to talk to and hug and stuff but all i'm getting is really bad sexual pickup lines and men who only wanna fuck once on Tinder. Life isn't going well for me and honestly i've had multiple times this week where i've thought it'd be better if i was gone. I want peace. I want the worries, loneliness and pain gone. I can't be doing this anymore.
Although i've been thinking that i couldn't do that to my parents especially now. My mom is already an emotional wreck with whats happening with my grandpa right now. I don't think she could handle me on top of that. So i guess i'll just continue struggling in hopes it'll be better. (although i doubt that.) I couldn't talk to her about anything anyways. Everytime i try she won't understand and thinks i'm talking about something else, OR she tells me to stop feeling the way i do because it's "wrong" yeah duh i know it's bad but the last thing i wanna hear from you is that i should stop feeling what i'm feeling.
I know i said i'd be trying to talk about positive stuff on here, but too many things are getting me down right now. I can't be doing it right now. I do sometimes write a blogpost and then delete it because it was way too depressing to post. Since this blog is public and anyone could read it, i'd rather not go into too much details. If you hit me up in DMs maybe i'd be willing to talk about it, though.
So now for some positivity
I went shopping with my parents and brought a barret similar to the one AOA's Yuna wore not too long ago. I loved the look so much that i might just try and find the coat as well so i can kinda mimic the look if you will. Its adorable.
I didnt put on makeup today because i didn't feel up to it, but this Snow app filter will do. (I love the deer horns its so fricken cute aaaa) Honestly, i don't feel pretty a lot. But with simple things like this, i do feel pretty. For a small amount of time i suppose. But still. At least it's something positive.
I got two new albums this week. One is New Moon by AOA, the other Summer Magic by Red Velvet. The last one was a present from a good friend of mine, which made me happy.
I'm starting to like LOONA more and more, which i didn't think i would because i really don't like cute concept. The Kim Lip and Olivia Hye solo songs really caught me though. I loved them. I hope they do more with dancable beats. Because i really need music i can vibe on. Cute concepts have a lot of ballads and beatless songs which really.. kind of bore me sometimes. who knows though.
Ah, well at least i have a friend's Minecraft server i can play on. It's super cool since it's a realm so it should be up like 24/7 you only have to join it and start building. Its super cool, can't wait to be building my first things in there. It helps with forgetting real world problems really well i think. Getting to soak into a virtual world where all you have to care for is your house, armor and your minecraft dog. It's great and the scenery is too. I've played it both on Bedrock and Java at this point and i can tell you guys that Minecraft is one of those games that really helps you relax and forget.
Although i've been thinking that i couldn't do that to my parents especially now. My mom is already an emotional wreck with whats happening with my grandpa right now. I don't think she could handle me on top of that. So i guess i'll just continue struggling in hopes it'll be better. (although i doubt that.) I couldn't talk to her about anything anyways. Everytime i try she won't understand and thinks i'm talking about something else, OR she tells me to stop feeling the way i do because it's "wrong" yeah duh i know it's bad but the last thing i wanna hear from you is that i should stop feeling what i'm feeling.
I know i said i'd be trying to talk about positive stuff on here, but too many things are getting me down right now. I can't be doing it right now. I do sometimes write a blogpost and then delete it because it was way too depressing to post. Since this blog is public and anyone could read it, i'd rather not go into too much details. If you hit me up in DMs maybe i'd be willing to talk about it, though.
So now for some positivity
I went shopping with my parents and brought a barret similar to the one AOA's Yuna wore not too long ago. I loved the look so much that i might just try and find the coat as well so i can kinda mimic the look if you will. Its adorable.
I got two new albums this week. One is New Moon by AOA, the other Summer Magic by Red Velvet. The last one was a present from a good friend of mine, which made me happy.
I'm starting to like LOONA more and more, which i didn't think i would because i really don't like cute concept. The Kim Lip and Olivia Hye solo songs really caught me though. I loved them. I hope they do more with dancable beats. Because i really need music i can vibe on. Cute concepts have a lot of ballads and beatless songs which really.. kind of bore me sometimes. who knows though.
Ah, well at least i have a friend's Minecraft server i can play on. It's super cool since it's a realm so it should be up like 24/7 you only have to join it and start building. Its super cool, can't wait to be building my first things in there. It helps with forgetting real world problems really well i think. Getting to soak into a virtual world where all you have to care for is your house, armor and your minecraft dog. It's great and the scenery is too. I've played it both on Bedrock and Java at this point and i can tell you guys that Minecraft is one of those games that really helps you relax and forget.
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