Time flies

This week was pretty fun. I worked on a project at school where I'm pretty passionate about, and also, I had some fun with my classmates too. The week went by just like that. Time really does fly. The older I become the faster things go. I really don't want time to go this fast though. It feels like I'm wasting my time especially by having mental illness and experiencing everything that has to do with all that. I feel like time is being taken away from me sometimes. Without me being able to do anything with it. 

I really hope though that spring will come fast. The flowers are already kind of out everywhere. It seems that it won't be long. I've been waiting for that moment. It will at least give me some more hope for the future. The winter isn't good for me. 

What I've been working on mostly is still trying to get my name out there. I need to generate at least a bit of income, because if it goes on any longer than this I really will not make it. A Fivver account should do the trick hopefully. Still I'm gonna need to be seen. Like with my commision work, I always sort of am a ghost to people. I've never been seen. It's sort of been the way of life for me, but when it comes to work it's something that I really want to overcome. I'll work hard to be seen. My art needs to take the stage somehow. I haven't figured out how, but I'll do it! I hope you believe in me at least.

I like how I'm being so hopeful and optimistic when I write. In reality, my brain makes me feel like everything is failing and that I'm so worthless to the point I'll never be able to reach the point I want to reach in life. I don't know why that is. Chronic depression possibly. Anxiety maybe. It's maybe a bit of both. Speaking of which though, going to therapy will be on hold I guess. Money's tight and I really need a new phone too. I don't know how I'll manage to get through this really. I've thought of just giving up on life a lot. This thing has gotten me thinking this again. Sometimes it's not so bad. But when I fall back down it becomes really bad. The amount of times I've cried at night is probably a lot. I wish it was normalized to talk about these things though. I'd like that. I really don't think I can talk about these things with friends or family. Rather i write about it on my blog because nobody reads it. (again, nobody notices my existence) 

Things spiral. Time is sparce. I don't know why I'm here. Life isn't what I thought it would be by a long shot. Friends don't even care enough to reschedule meet ups. What am I doing it for anymore?

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