Floral ☆ Dreams

Despite not being in the mood to celebrate, i guess i'll say Merry Christmas and a Happy new year anyways to everyone. Losing my grandpa and all. It's been almost a week since the funeral, and i still don't really feel like he ever passed away at all. Weird huh? It's probably the fact that i just really don't want to believe that it's true despite the fact that i attended the funeral and cried like 5 times or something. On a happy note, i went to Oberhausen with my little brothers. It was a lot of fun despite it being one giant sensitory hell for me. The giant mall is packed with people. Sometimes when you're in a store you're better off than outside of it. Wew, i went through some hell let me tell you that. I got a manga and a pair of new shoes that i'm wearing to both of the family dinners we're having today and tomorrow. I hope they'll like them. I'm kind of not looking forward to having to spend time with my uncles though. They'

I'm trying to stay positive, but one after the other event is happening to me right now that just really gets me down. Now the doctor is saying my grandpa probably won't make it to New Years. And i hate everything that's happening right now. I could use a life partner right now to talk to and hug and stuff but all i'm getting is really bad sexual pickup lines and men who only wanna fuck once on Tinder. Life isn't going well for me and honestly i've had multiple times this week where i've thought it'd be better if i was gone. I want peace. I want the worries, loneliness and pain gone. I can't be doing this anymore. Although i've been thinking that i couldn't do that to my parents especially now. My mom is already an emotional wreck with whats happening with my grandpa right now. I don't think she could handle me on top of that. So i guess i'll just continue struggling in hopes it'll be better. (although i doubt that.) I couldn