Floral ☆ Dreams

Despite not being in the mood to celebrate, i guess i'll say Merry Christmas and a Happy new year anyways to everyone. Losing my grandpa and all. It's been almost a week since the funeral, and i still don't really feel like he ever passed away at all. Weird huh? It's probably the fact that i just really don't want to believe that it's true despite the fact that i attended the funeral and cried like 5 times or something. On a happy note, i went to Oberhausen with my little brothers. It was a lot of fun despite it being one giant sensitory hell for me. The giant mall is packed with people. Sometimes when you're in a store you're better off than outside of it. Wew, i went through some hell let me tell you that. I got a manga and a pair of new shoes that i'm wearing to both of the family dinners we're having today and tomorrow. I hope they'll like them. I'm kind of not looking forward to having to spend time with my uncles though. They'

I'm trying to stay positive, but one after the other event is happening to me right now that just really gets me down. Now the doctor is saying my grandpa probably won't make it to New Years. And i hate everything that's happening right now. I could use a life partner right now to talk to and hug and stuff but all i'm getting is really bad sexual pickup lines and men who only wanna fuck once on Tinder. Life isn't going well for me and honestly i've had multiple times this week where i've thought it'd be better if i was gone. I want peace. I want the worries, loneliness and pain gone. I can't be doing this anymore. Although i've been thinking that i couldn't do that to my parents especially now. My mom is already an emotional wreck with whats happening with my grandpa right now. I don't think she could handle me on top of that. So i guess i'll just continue struggling in hopes it'll be better. (although i doubt that.) I couldn

I don't like life. I don't like the way that i am forced to do things that i don't want to. I want to hide from life. I want to beathe and nothing more. Things are so complicated in life. I don't understand why. I don't understand any of it. Why things are happening. Why i can't get things to happen. Why i'm so on my own. I don't understand anything. I am all alone in a world that doesn't let me be who i want to be and do what i want to do. Finding a life partner is even harder. I don't understand why. I don't understand how. I think how is the biggest question here. Because i am entirely clueless as to what to do. Things aren't as easy as they used to be when i was a kid. All i want to do is sit in my room, make art. Enjoy nature and how beautiful it is. As of right now we're having a hailstorm and i'm in awe of the beautiful sound that it makes. The dripping of water down the rainpipe of our house, the ticking of the hail agai

Don’t let your head hang There’s nothing to worry about, you are who You are It’s worth it, trust yourself Open up a new road Your path will unfold Walk in the broad skies You can go anywhere Wherever you want You can go anywhere Wherever you want It’s not too late You can get to the purple line - TWICE's "Rainbow"   Honestly these last few days have been weighing me down even more than i bargained for. Somehow though, Kpop has managed to help me a little. TWICE and ITZY mostly, because they sing about self esteem and things regarding your own mental health. I think these words from TWICEs newest Bside song Rainbow have hit me the most. To be honest though, none of the songs are a skip, not even the manditory ballad. I'm personally not a fan of slow songs, only a few manage to really get me. Most of the songs on the album are bops though, so we don't mind. I found a new hobby i guess. A hobby of collecting Kpop albums and their photocards th

Aaaaa my plushy came all the way from America!! The store i brought it from seemed to be pretty big too. I don't know if you live there but if you do you've probably know JapanLA. They sell a loooooot of cute stuff including (legit) Rilakkuma stuff. They've been nice enough to ship my korrilakkuma all the way to my country, too! Look how cute she is, laying against my entirely new Fjallraven backpack. I'm surrounding myself with cute stuff and slowly but surely it's becoming a bigger and bigger collection. I'm 23 and people might dub me as crazy and childish, but honestly fuck them? I do whatever i want whenever i want, because now i have the money to do so. I've always wanted to own a Rilakkuma bear. (And i'm going to buy the large one if i save up enough money so that i can reunite the both of them) and now i have one! (sorta, i mean it's his girlfriend but still) Even the tag is cute, i just love her so much, i can't stop saying happy thin

It's the end of October. For a lot of people that means Halloween. In my country, it's not really celebrated. It's basically just a corporate thing and thats it. People drink at parties i guess, but kids don't go around for candy, at least not in the region that i live in. A lot of Americans are always a bit shocked when i tell them that i never did trick or treat when i was young, and to be honest i don't miss it nor do i miss not celebrating Christmas with presents and all that jazz (My family only does family dinner for christmas for two days straight it's the best) I'm not used to it so i don't miss it i think? It would be fun to try trick or treating once in my life however. But hey i'm a 23 year old i dont think they'll give me any anymore. I suppose i'm going into the festive months without a job nor a relationship. Things are getting harder because these months are dark and cold, so winter depression is out here and i'm definate

So as you know i'm quite the creative soul. I love drawing a lot and i've been doing it for fun until now. Just recently i opened a new paypal/bank account dedicated to the revenue i'm planning to make with my work!! I am super excited and i can't wait to get started on this whole project. To celebrate my endevours i thought it'd be good to allow myself some self indulgence. So i brought this expensive Fjallraven Kanken bag. One that's pretty infamous for it's VSCO girl image. I just think it's cute. I love surrounding myself with pink things, they make me happy. I did get stares on the street with my bright baby pink and blue backpack but I'm 23 and i do what I want.. I don't even like the VSCO app. Right off the bat it asks you if you consent to the NSA spying on you from all the way in America, which i never consent to. And they also have some sort of paid program, which i also hate because all of these photo editing stuff could be done

I can't stop playing ?? It's been great and all of the stories are so nice too.. Like the event one that is going to be finishing tonight (I'm probably going to grind as far as possible so i can get the magical girl before the event ends tonight at 12) I even got as far as to actually getting enough acorns to grab me one of the event backgrounds (You can see it in the picture) Isn't she so cute though? Her name is Konomi Haruna. Despite looking as cute as she does, she's just a two star magical girl. And of course we all wanna aim for the 5 star ones. But untill i get my first 5 star girl, I'll keep little Haruna with me on my home screen. Her weapon is this really cute looking gigantic pair of scissors. (Yes, i couldn't really begin to describe it, honestly) I'm still working on getting my girls their magias and to awaken them too. (It's a bit tough to figure out, i'll have to ask an expert because ???) Going through the game i realise how m

Hello, Hi, Bonjour, Guten tag, Uh.. i know more languages but this is what i'm keeping it at today. Today i've made the decision to make a blog about my life and everything around it here on Blogger rather than Tumblr. Mostly because Tumblr didn't give me what i wanted to have as far as keeping a personal blog where i can rant on about what has happened that day. Tumblr now mostly consists of status updates and posts about certain fandoms and social justice posts. I like them both (to a certain extend), so i'll keep being active on there, but i will probably take all my personal  blog posts here. So who am i? I'm a (currently) 23 year old woman, living with my parents in The Netherlands.(somewhere in the middle) My entire family is a bit "different" with that i mean, my little brother (age 14) was diagnosed with ADHD at an early age, and i'm pretty sure my mom and i have it too. I've tried to get myself diagnosed but both the times i got misd